bus tix 015
it's been a while, oops! i have been procrastinating & some birthday reflections.
i know, i know, it’s been two months, and i haven’t updated this substack. well, i got accepted into an artistic business development program, turned 29, returned to my roots of creating and holding events, and met a season favorite on the other side of town. let me gossip with you for a little.
so what happened?
Depression and a defiant refusal to fall for depression lies. In late June to early July, another episode triggered. It led to a three-day relapse of self-harm, though, one might argue it was four. However, because of my audacity before the episode’s beginning, I did a lot. I applied for the San Diego Artist Incubator program, finished up a job application, and had been brewing this twenty-ninth birthday shindig since May. In other words, a lot of things were set in motion.
But the twenty-nine pages of bus tickets I printed and planned to revise never came to fruition. At first, I thought this incubator would help germinate ideas for bus tickets. I then became paralyzed with anxiety wondering if having a version two wouldn’t generate any interest and the ratio between new and old writing got me overthinking.
In some ways, half of my substack posts are excuses why this project isn’t finished yet. I’m working on it, and let me just say, I have decapitated half of the 29 pages on public transit. Revisions on the bus? Yeah, let’s keep this on-brand for a passenger princess.
im 29 now, bitches!!!!
I wanted to do so much for my birthday, and I did. It was a return to form, really. I had been known for hosting and organizing events in grad school. I don’t know how SUCCESSFUL they were, but I wanted to do something different than force people to show up and come out. I hosted a home café like those cool TikToks with the intention to serve the people I loved, and bring back skills I developed and honed throughout the years. Now that I’ve been 29 for a week, I return to what I’m staying in San Diego for: bus tickets.
These events are practice rounds for what I’m trying to do with bus tickets. Organize, host, and invite. If I’m to do what I want with bus tickets, it’ll require a lot more courage, a lot more asking, and a diligence that isn’t fueled by interest and motivation. This substack was meant to be an accountability partner, progress tracker, and (accidentally) a mental health progression.
As I’m trying to parse through my understanding as a writer in terms of branding for the incubator, I think about how this project relates to those values and ideas I’m trying to solidify. I write because the odds are stacked against me. I’m working class, queer, not all that great at writing, and probably set to fail unless I climb the social ladder. I don’t have a lot of power, and yet, I am Battle Royale-ing my way into some kind of significance. Selfishly, I want to be remembered, and if that means I’m going to be on the margins, how do I get others to listen?
bus tickets is another marginalized perspective where observations can transform preconceived notions into a new path to understanding. If I can encourage one person to take the bus, be uncomfortable, and start challenging how they view public transit, it’s a win because now we’re seeing how inequity functions, and how important it is to have access to reliable and good transportation.
I have until September 24th until my Word expires. A little less than a month to get over myself and get this content done, then I have until October 14th before my Adobe Creative Cloud expires. I have until May to make this bus tickets dream come true, and I’m locking in.
“what are you doing on this side of town?”
I have no good transition for this section. Really, I saw a season favorite on a completely different route. This never happens. Kearny Mesa and North Park are very far away in a transit perspective. That’s it. I needed to end this substack with something related to transit.
For San Diego, September is San Diego Transit Month, which means, I will be screeching into the void and doing all the transit things. It may be kind of ridiculous. I might not show up to anything. I might not run into a transit crush. Who knows, but I’ll keep my friends updated, and I hope I have silly things to Carrie Bradshaw yap about on this substack.
But that’s for next time, friends. For now, I’ll see you on the next ride, and, as always, don’t forget your ticket.
